If I Could
by Akira Zoldyck
Summary: "When our eyes met, your sight warmed me. When you held my hand, you smiled next to me. When your half-frozen body lay down in front of me, my tear started to fall down for the first time. If I could...," / Hunter X Hunter fanfiction / Warning Inside!


**If I ****C****ould**

* * *

**Disclaimer:**

Hunter X Hunter © Yoshihiro Togashi

Cover © Ashelia on zerochan dot net

If I Could _fanfic_ © Akira Zoldyck

**Summary:**

"When our eyes met, your sight warmed me.

When you held my hand, you smiled next to me.

When your half-frozen body lay down in front of me,

My tear started to fall down for the first time.

If I could...,"

**Warning:**

Tense(s) error, grammar(s) error, POV changing, etc.

* * *

The sky was getting cloudy. Walking fast, spiky-silverish-haired boy was heading toward the house of an elite assassin family. The huge gate which had seven doors of it was caught by a pair of sharp-blue-sea-liked eyes. Killua Zoldyck, owner of those sharp eyes starred at the gate. From a distance, Zebro the one who guarded Zoldyck estate was standing in front of his post.

When Killua got near of his house, the old-man greeted the middle Zoldyck while bowing down his body politely. "Welcome back, Young Master Killua."

After the long journey that had he passed, a boy with his turtleneck-clothed came back. It had been ten years since he left house with his precious best friend.

"Yo." Answered him as the respond while raising up his right hand. Zebro straightened his body and smiled towards his young master. It was such a nice report to tell to Zebro's master that the beloved son of Zoldyck family had returned home. The twenty-two years old boy put both of his hands on the gate. Without any doubt, he pushed it with downing head. Four of seven doors of the huge gate were opened by him making such a noise sound around.

"Master Silva and Lady Kikyo are inside." As Zebro said that, Killua walked in.

No longer after he passed Zebro's post, Killua met a tan-skinned girl Canary who was assigned to never let anyone pass her post (except Zoldyck's family members). The girl bowed and greeted him politely as Zebro did before. "Young Master Killua, welcome back." Canary smiled happily seeing her young master had returned home safely. Killua kept walking without having any intention to greet her back. His head was fulfilled with many things. Canary noticed Killua's expression. It was the same expression as when he came back after took Hunter exam eleven years ago. That expression was enough to worry Canary. What happened with his young master?

* * *

Ah, I think it has been ten years after I left home. There's no change of this estate after all. Zebro, Canary, Mike, Gotoh, they're still in here.

I look up to the sky when some of raindrops are starting to fall down and the wind is blowing on my face. It's cold. Tch, I truly hate this sensation. It reminds me of the day before today. Seem like a bunch of knives are stabbing in my heart. It brings back some memories.

I remember when the tree of them came to the Zoldyck estate with bare hand. Kurapika, Leorio, and Gon. They tried to come in forcing the guard of my house to open up the gate. Who would do that stupid thing when they knew that Mike would eat them if tried to come inside forcefully? It would be Gon!

I lived in darkness once and a light saved my whole life. It was Gon. He saved me. After he came, I left house and followed him to everywhere. I considered him as my best friend and he did.

We passed day by day together. And this feeling started to fill my heart. His smiling face, his sour face, his angry face, I like them all. His cheerful voice which would shock me whenever I daydream, I love that.

We were once lying down on the ground grabbing each other hand. The two of us looked up to the sky in silent. I stole a slight glance of him. Though my sharp eyes, I could see his smiling face while grabbing my hand.

"Killua, what will you do after we make it up to meet my father?" That childish voice...

"I don't know. Ngg, can I stay in your house?" No, don't say that...

"Hee? Why? Won't you return back to your own house?" Yes, I should do that in the past...

"They're annoying! They're just a bunch of crazy peoples! I won't do that stupid thing!" No, that will much better...

"Well, it's okay then! That means, we'll be together for a long time, right?" No, no! Don't!

"D-don't say such a nonsense thing! It doesn't mean I want to stay beside you, okay?!" But, that was true. That was my true reason to stay with you, but...

"Killua! Don't be so rude! That's not a nonsense thing because I'm sure that you want to stay with me. Hahaha. Just tell it already. You like me, right?" Gon, you were right...

"W-what?! Are you crazy, huh?! Shut up!" The past me that was such a meanie statement...

Then you kept silence for a while. You tapped your chin with the index finger of yours. "It's fine. As long as Killua isn't going to leave my side." You smiled calmly. You tightened up your hold on my hands. I still didn't understand of feeling inside my heart in that time. I shifted my gaze away with my face was totally red. "I don't care if I will be a crazy person as long as I'm with Killua." He continued and the one who kept silence was me.

Day by day passed. We lay down on the ground again. That day, we weren't holding hand but starring each other. His hazel brown eyes starred in my blue eyes deeply. That was enough to comfort me.

"Killua." Here it's, you called my name with such a soft voice...

"Hm?" I responded while closing my eyes getting sleepy...

"Is this feeling false?" He asked. My eyes opened a bit shock because of his question. Causing me who felt sleepy before, not feeling sleepy anymore.

"What feeling are you talking about?" The past me asked that question scared. I didn't know exactly what was I scared to...

"Well, I can't say it properly. But I'll do it instead!" Gon smiled meaningful. Before I realized his mean, our lips touched each other. He kissed me deeply for a few seconds.

"W-wh ,"

"I love you, Killua." He whispered softly to my ear when I was about to yell at him. My face turned into red. Gon Freecss my precious best friend hugged me tightly. He kept whispering words to my ear bringing back memories about us.

After several minutes we kept hugging each other, he released his hug. "Killua, I love you. Do you love me?" And I was frozen by those hazel brown eyes.

My sight is getting blur. A second then, I can see a figure of someone who is very familiar to me. That person, he's smiling. Such a warm sensation can be felt by my heart. Those hazel brown eyes look so sparkle staring at me deeply. Both of his hands try to reach me.

"Gon!" I shout.

_Killua..._

"Gon! I'm here!" I try to reach his hands.

_It's me, Killua..._

"I know, _aho_! Come here, Gon!" My tears start to fall down for the second time.

_Killua..._

"Don't just call my name! Come here, Gon! I want to say sorry!" I can't control myself anymore.

_It's fine, Killua..._

"No! That's not fine at all! Gon!"

_Goodbye..._

"It's not goodbye, Gon! Gon!" I shout anxiously.

_I love you..._

The figure of him is disappearing. I look around. It's forest in the Zoldyck estate.

So, that was just my imagination? The figure which just appeared? Gon Freecss my precious best friend, who has died yesterday on my hand, said goodbye in my imagination. I bite my lips, trying to hold my regretful feeling.

Yesterday, we split up because of our little argument like usual. He forced me to tell that I love him. My ego forced me to refuse but Gon kept forcing me. As we split up, we met Neferpitou one of Chimera ants who has defeated by Gon a few years ago. Indeed she was in the way looking out for us to get revenge. When I intent to kill her with my electric punch in my maximum power, but

...

Gon got in the way of it and accidently attacked by my punch he tried to stop me to kill Neferpitou. My eyes widened as I looked at his body. I knelt down on the ground keeping in silent. My hands stained of his blood. I didn't know what to do, whether to cry or kill myself instead.

That was my first time to regret what had I done before. If I didn't stay in his house, it wouldn't have to happen.

When our eyes met, your sight warmed me.

When you held my hand, you smiled next to me.

When your half-frozen body lay down in front of me,

My tear started to fall down for the first time.

If I could turn the time back...

If I could control my ego...

If I could tell him the truth about my feeling...

If I could...

* * *

The raindrops were getting heavy. A twenty-two years old boy still stood under the rain. He looked up to the sky, crying in silent. Killua Zoldyck couldn't hold his tears anymore. The heavy rain falls down towards his pale-skinned face, dissembling his cry.

Gon Freecss his precious best friend had passed away because of his mistake.

"Gon

If I could..."

* * *

**FINISH**

* * *

**A/N:**

Yoho! Let me to introduce myself! My pen-name is Akira Zoldyck, 14 years old (gonna be 15 in July LOL /forgetit) who loves Hunter X Hunter soooooo much!

By the way, this is my first _fanfiction_ in English so pardon me if there's any mistakes in it like tense(s) error, grammar error, and typo(s). Feel free to tell me where the mistake take place is. And yeah, my grammar isn't as good as the others, but the important thing is y'all understand. xD LOLOLOL /joudandayo

Okay, please RnR! Just tell the mistakes and I'll republish it as soon as possible. Thanks!


End file.
